I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
