She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
