im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
