Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You left your underwear on the fireplace
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
