How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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