I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
