U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize