I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
