While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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