I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
