i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
