508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
