bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
