I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
