"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
