Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
