I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize