I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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