just tell him i said nine months
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
