hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
