dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
