Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My liver just had a heart attack.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
