I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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