my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
