yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
