Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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