When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
