I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Boobs speak an international language.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
