dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
