So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize