i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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