That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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