Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
