Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can't turn off my feet"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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