even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
