when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
