I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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