You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
