You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
