Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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