Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
