u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
