He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
