please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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