i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
