she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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