i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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