i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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