My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
