It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize