CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
