lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize