his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize