This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
