he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
