i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
