so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
