Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
