One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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