i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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