Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
